There is a secret baggage claim beneath YYC where They keep objects of interest that passengers leave in their checked baggage. Entering the claim is problematic. It is only accessible on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, as these are the days that They are absent, and entering on a day when they are present would mean certain death. On these days when it is safe, book a seat on a domestic flight and travel to the dingy section of the airport terminal’s food court. Look for a small, dirty counter where Italian food and pizza is sold. Tell the clerk that you left your bag in the kitchen when you worked your last shift.
The clerk will accept this pretext and let you into the kitchen, as though you were in fact a recently laid off employee. The kitchen, which is shared by all the franchises in this corner of the terminal, is dominated by a staircase that leads up into the blank roof. Climb it, and keep climbing when you reach the ceiling. You will emerge in a vast and empty copy of the baggage claims downstairs, inhabited only by still figures made of plaster.Pilfer what you find valuable or notable from the baggage that is kept here, but only take with you what fits in your carry-on bag and what will pass safely through airport security. Larger or more conspicuous objects, such as the still-whispering heads of saints or the monitors that show the state of your soul will have to be left behind. Then leave, get on your flight and lay low for a time in another city. They will soon find out what you’ve done, and they’ll want their stolen property back.