090 - The Bus

Although they’re being phased out, the city still has a number of the old GMC busses, the kind that you step up into. No matter how fully the city replaces them with the newer shuttle-busses, at least one of the thirty year old busses will remain in service. It comes intermittently and at odd hours, but it is possible to bring it to yourself using a simple albeit highly modern rite.

Go to a bus stop and dial the Calgary transit automated number. Hit one and then punch in the number of the stop you’re waiting at. Then punch the number seven repeatedly. The system’s pre-recorded voice will grow more degraded and heavy with static with each keystroke, eventually going silent entirely. The voice will eventually croak “Next Bus in three minutes” and disconnect you. Within that window of time, no matter where you are, the bus will arrive. The driver never asks for fare, although it is wise to pay regardless.

The Bus will be empty other than a dozen or so plaster statues posed on the seats, unless They are using it. If They are, disembark immediately. If not, sit near the front and watch as the landscape outside grows blurry and abstract. Before long, you will feel tired. Allow yourself to fall asleep. When you awaken, you will be sitting on a bench at Brentwood Station. From now on, you will always have perfect luck when it comes to catching a bus and no driver will expect you to pay your fare.

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