039 - The Diskette

There’s a computer in a downtown resume center that is well over a decade old. Hooked into a geriatric printer, it suffices for the purposes of the center: word processing and printing. The machine is infamously faulty amongst the staff, and with good reason: The floppy disk drive is jammed and has been for years. Enter the resume center and pretend to be a client. Bring with you a paper clip. After you’re seated at the computer, pretend to type up a resume. When no one is looking, slide the paper clip into the small round hole beneath the drive and press. It will eject a diskette.

Take the diskette and leave. Take it home, and on the way make eye contact with no one. When you arrive home, put the diskette into your computer. The disk contains an impossible number of jpeg files. All the famous socks and screams, memetic traps like the parrot or smile.jpg, and all in a vast and perfect resolution. The images can kill or impart madness with a look alone, so never open them on your own. Instead, use them as tools. Weapons. Traps. With practice, they will form the greatest part of your arsenal.

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