In any secondhand record store in the city, the morning after it rains, a small yellowed envelope containing an aged record single can be found amongst other vintage materials. The owner will never have seen it before and will allow you to walk off with it for a pittance. The record’s title will be faded with age. Nothing but the vaguest suggestion of letters and the tattered scraps of album art will remain. Take the album home and place it on a turntable. The normal speed will be too fast, so instead turn it slowly by hand.
The first two rotations will yield nothing other than a cacophony of screams. However, subsequent rotations will reveal nonsensical sentence fragments comprised of disconnected words. To decipher the statements, cut out a circle of paper the same size as the record and cut it into a spiral. Write the words you heard down on the circle, moving inward from the outermost edge. Then place the spiral atop the record. Read from the inside out. Each column of words names a location and date.
Each date is the day after a rainfall in the year to come. At each of these locations and times, you will find an envelope with a sentence of your obituary in it.